Paper & Glam

The Walk Through Fire

What are you hoping for? Praying for?
Do you trust God with it?

When I left for Denver, God asked me, “Are you going to trust me for the life that I have for you?” When it gets hard and I’m struggling to trust God that question still echoes.

Are you going to trust me for the life that I have for you?

In relationships, anger is unmet expectation. It’s expectation that hurts relationships. When I look at what hurts my relationship with God...its unmet expectations.

God promised joy, peace, provision, and a life fully alive in Him; and He has been faithful to those promises. Yet, it’s never enough. 

This conversation with God lies in the recesses of my heart:

“No. God? No, God. I won’t take what You give.
No, God, Your plans are a gutted, bleeding mess and I didn’t sign up for this
and You really thought I’d go for this?
No, God, this is ugly and this is a mess and can’t You get anything right?
Just haul all this pain out of here. I’ll take it from here, thanks.
And, God? Thanks for nothing.”

{Ann Voskamp}

When I’m tempted to tell God that I want my life back, a story surfaces. Three men are about to be killed by a King because they refuse to bow down to an idol he created. This is their response as they are about to be killed:

 “If we are thrown into a blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us…but even if He doesn’t, we want you to know that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

{Daniel 3:17-18, NIV}

When we’re struggling, and life isn’t  turning out how we planned, when we’re riddled withdoubt, we have to lay our expectations atthe foot of the cross knowing that even if God doesn’t come through in the way we’re expecting, and life never turns out how we prayed it would, and love doesn’t win when we think it should…we still have to live with a heart set on God alone, not a set of worldly expectations.

“The demanding of my own will is the singular force that smothers out joy – nothing else. The secret to joy’s flame: Humbly let go. Fullness of joy is discovered only in the emptying of will. We can empty because we are full of His love.”

{Ann Voskamp}

My middle name {Ann} means “full of grace.” When I live full of His grace, I can trust Him.

When I start to fear and doubt, He asks me the same question he asked me before I moved to Denver, “Are you going to trust me for the life that I have for you?”

Four years after God first asked me that question, I still have to answer every day with a life dedicated to Him, betting on Him, waiting on Him, trusting in Him…believing He is who He says He is.

That’s easy to say, and then life starts getting hard and bizarre, and lonely, and in that weak moment temptation always, always strikes. But even in that moment, when it looks like God might not come through, we are to bet on God, wait for God, and trust Him for the life He has for us.

Our God is able. Full hearts, even if He doesn't.

Love wins,
Lisamarie

Miss USA & The Future

How do you make difficult decisions?

Tough decisions are easier when we think about the story of our life. Picture your grandkids flipping through the scrapbook of your life, what do you want them to see when they open that book?

When I was six years old, I decided that when I grew up I’d be Miss USA. Twenty years later, I was looking forward to making good on that promise. Last weekend, was Miss Colorado USA. I didn’t complete.

This spring and summer, I took my eye off the crown. I wasn’t focused on workouts, sponsors, or stage training. I was focused on learning to be the Service Delivery Lead at a software company.

Dreams collided.
I deferred my admission to the 2013 pageant.
I found out too late that I would be too old to compete next year.
Heartbreaking.

When I chose to defer Miss Colorado, I was thinking of the story I want to tell with my life. I didn’t want my story to include the time I went into debt to compete in a pageant. I wanted my story to include making the last payment on the four years I spent at the University of San Diego, and leveraging that financial freedom to chase down a dream.

While I missed an opportunity, I still want to live a life that defers to the future, with a hope placed firmly in the One who holds it.

“You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.”

{Psalm 139:16, NLT}

Daily that means…

When I'm struggling with my budget, I think of the day next year when I make my last student loan payment. On that day, I will have paid off the education that's been the foundation of my career, knowing no one did it for me.

When I'm struggling with singleness, I remember that there will be a day when my daughter asks me about my first love. On that day, I will point across the room to her dad.

When I’m struggling with what I want now, and what I want for my future, I choose the future.

When we’re tempted to take a shortcut, or to take our future into our own hands, we’re called to put our decisions before God and use His discernment.

I don't want to live a life characterized by extreme risks. I want to live a life characterized by extreme obedience to a God that always reigns, and to a love that always wins.

When we're faced with a decision between what we want now, and what we want for our future, I pray we set an example...and choose the future.

Love wins,
Lisamarie

No Need for Hurry if You're Confident In Who You Are

How do you refuel?

These words from our icon have taken me some growth to understand. I'm a textbook extravert. I refuel around people. However, Thursday morning I understood Audrey.

On Thursday morning, I woke up wearing Wednesday's dress and make-up, clutching my phone. This is a work hangover, and a wake up call in more ways than one. I tossed on one of the LBD's I keep on rotation for occasions when I need to arrive at presentable within ten minutes, to buy time to swing by the coffee shop on the way to the office for a triple-shot espresso. Yet, the shock of waking up like a college student on Saturday morning did not wear off after the caffiene hit my blood stream.

I thought I'd have it a little more together by now. To quote Stripes and Sequins, "When I was younger I thought I’d have everything figured out by {26}...in some high powered career with a corner office wearing Theory business suits and Loubs. It’s funny how time slips by and before you know it you are at that age where you’re supposed to have everything 'together.'" Often I forget that I'm not the one responsible for having it all together.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." {Romans 8:28}

The "have it all together" race is a treadmill that is not only unsustainable but joy-depleting.

Get up early.
Jesus date.
Hit the gym.
Work.
6-9 meetings.
Work late.
Socialize.
Sleep a little.
Begin again.

This glorifcation of busy is my arrogant effort to play God with a feeble attempt to hold my life together when I know I can't. This treadmill leads to spending an entire weekend day between my Barbie sheets, lured out only by the prospect of a late afternoon latte and a manicure.

Though I'd like to believe I have balance figured out, the moment I hit it...I fall off its tightrope. In America, we're raised to believe we can do it all, have it all, and be it all, and that gives us incredible hope. Yet in the midst of the drive, and strive, and mad hope, we need to "enjoy the tempo of a God-breathed life by letting Him set the pace" {Sarah Young, Jesus Calling}.

Professionally, I can honestly say "I made it." That's beautiful, but please don't make the mistake I made, and wait until you've "arrived" to slow down. Once you move into the killer office, rockin the heels and the power suits...you'll be trying like fury to figure out how to handle it. Each milestone we reach ushers in unique challenges and lessons in living well.

Why do I find myself relearning this lesson of rest every season?
We were made in the image of a God who rests. {Genesis 2:2} 
Why would I think myself exempt from rest? Or unworthy of rest?

"There is a kind of relaxed leisureness that flows from a person who  knows what she's about, who knows where she's going, and what she's doing.
No need to hurry if you're confident in who you are."

{Eugene Peterson}

Slow it down like Sunday morning today. We always get where we need to be right on time, and we can trust that what's for us will never pass us by.

Love wins,
Lisamarie 

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